The next one was full and the fourth was closed as well. In despair, and at the end of our tether with worry about the van, we asked Thomas for a campsite and he took us on a tortuous route around the houses, still dripping oil until we finally limped into a site at dusk. It looked awful, everyone was tightly packed together and it had a water park and looked terribly twee. We had no choice so we checked in and were allocated site number 9. We set up camp having left a trail of oil up the site road. It was fine we decided and our neighbours, a Maltese couple – Joe and Carmen, very quickly struck up a conversation. Of course Dandy was very soon explaining the whole sorry oil saga; Joe thought that he would be able to help us as he had contacts on the site that would know what to do. We had a chicken curry that has survived well in the freezer from home and watched a dramatic thunderstorm that lit up the mountains nearby.

By now I was thinking about other options to get at least one of us to Croatia in time for the kids arriving. I was thinking, - a flight to Zadar, hire a car, were there trains that would go to Zadar? Should I warn the kids that their holiday might not happen at all? I couldn’t have them getting on a plane if we couldn’t get there. Dan for me while he stayed with the van waiting for bits. It was a really tense evening as we didn’t know what had happened to the van this time and it seemed that it might not be fit for purpose. Dandy thought that this time the oil pipe might have failed altogether, this was a pipe that he had replaced when the turbo was repaired and he bought it and the clips in good faith from a motor factor that convinced him it would be up to the job! He was now thinking he should have trusted his instincts in the first place.

Day Five – Sunday 11th July 2010

We had an uneasy sleep and in the morning, after stripping the van down for the third time, Dandy found that the oil pipe was the cause of the third failure – it had an aneurism that was allowing the oil to escape, the good news was that the previous two repairs had held. Joe and his network of buddies then kicked in and various debates were held between his friends in the know on the site. Klaus, a local chap who chose to stay on the site during the warmer months made a few phone calls to a car club and thought that our problems could be solved that day. So off went Dandy and Klaus in Joe’s car to a local garage. Unfortunately, they could not help but it had been worth a try. Not much else could be done as it was a Sunday and not much was open. Getting the van mobile again depended upon sourcing a high pressure hose of the right size and getting it clamped properly at each end – a tall order. Further individual thoughts of what the f**k are we going to do now???

Plans with the helpful guys were made to leave at 8.00am the following morning and try to track the pipe down. By now it seemed that many of the camping community were either involved or knew about our plight and there was a real community spirit about. We felt bad about mocking this when we arrived. The camping office was closed from 11.00 to 2.00 so a little after 2pm we wandered over and asked to pay for an extra night only to be told that we would have to move as that particular pitch was booked from year to year for 20 days and the people were due to arrive imminently. The slight problem was the van was not going to drive anywhere and it had now no power steering or brakes. It was all too much, I was convinced it was a conspiracy, was nothing going to go right for us? Tears were the only answer and I gave into them. Meanwhile Dandy was explaining our predicament to the owner and he suggested that he would tow us to a new pitch with his van. Once more everyone rallied around to help us and rather than enjoy the theatre that we were causing we both felt that people were really supportive and sympathetic.

Franz Ferdinand hooked up his Transit van to the Hiace and towed us to our new pitch next to a fat man from a low lying country who literally cooked fried food all day for his famished brood – this then started a topical debate as to the dress size of Europeans and the seismic differences as we travelled west to east. That night was the final of the World Cup and judging by the amount of orange on display the favoured team was Holland. A large screen had been set up outside and people were getting prepared for the game. We resigned ourselves to a very noisy night. Dandy then deemed it essential that we play Spanish influenced Salsa music on the van stereo and hummed “Viva Espana” as he passed each orange bedecked caravan. I hadn’t been able to call my parents or the kids as I knew they would detect there was a problem by the tone of my voice so I just kept in touch by text and telling them that all was well with our trip.

Carmen and Joe had asked us to join them for a drink at their caravan that evening. Another thunderstorm had scuppered the football fans plans of those watching the game outside and they all moved indoors. Before we went out, not much was being said between us and we were both very on edge, we bickered over something trivial, can’t even remember what, then Dandy stormed out in the pouring rain to kick over some sandcastles in the children’s sandpit which he had previously raided to soak up the Louisianaesque oil spillage. He came back drenched but diffused, nothing more was said but we both knew things were better apart from Dandy moaning about the sand between his toes. We ran to their van wearing waterproofs and clutching beer and wine where we spent a pleasant evening in their company hearing about their travels. They spent around five months of each year on mainland Europe and had been coming to this site for many years. Dandy was highly amused by Joe’s misogynist tendencies as one of the benefits of this yearly arrangement was that it didn’t take ‘her long to clean all this’ gesticulating at the awning and their caravan. The storm had abated by the time we left them clutching some gifted cake. The site was quiet as Holland had lost the game and there was a palpable air of despondency around. Dandy was more selective with his singing as a matter of respect. We both knew that tomorrow was going to be ‘make or break’ for the rest of our holiday.....................

Day Six – Monday 12th July, 2010

At 8am Dandy was up and away again with Joe and Klaus to source a new pipe, first stop a large Toyota dealership in the nearby town. What I didn’t know was that he had been having serious doubts about being able to locate one that would do the job, he put it at about 60:40 (and this was what had caused the sandpit episode). I’m glad he hadn’t shared these doubts with me, I turned over and snuggled down for another snooze while it was still cool, it was going to be another very hot day. I was rudely awakened at 9am with a beaming Dandy waving a shiny new pipe in my sleepy face. The relief was incredible, he had almost wept in the engineering workshop when the technician produced the end result. He knew that the equipment used to make up the pipe was more than up to doing the job and the guy knew his stuff. Joe and Klaus told me later that Dandy’s facial expression had completely changed in an instant. We were going to get to Croatia after all! Another good omen was that I found my watch that morning – our luck was changing at last!

It took Dandy a couple of hours to carry out the job in the fierce sun with no shade, I busied myself with domestic chores (I know my place!) and we were ready to leave by 12.00. We drove up to say goodbye to our new friends and give them some beer as a thank you and got an emotional send off from them all. After all the debacle over moving pitch it transpired that neither of us had paid for the extra night, I felt bad about this but Dandy was convinced that there would be a bill waiting for us when we get home. The next 50 miles towards Innsbruck were a bit tense to say the least – every rattle, squeak, and extraneous rumble had us looking at each other with raised eyebrows. An 10km tunnel didn’t help lower the blood pressure either as there were ‘no stopping’ signs plastered all over the place! Hypertension was further affected when the fluffy (fit looking yoof) in the toll kiosk demanded €8 for the privilege of burrowing through her mountain, f’nar, f’nar. (Dandy wrote that bit!)

That 50 mile shakedown was good enough to give us confidence to negotiate the higher Alpine passes into Italy, although I was still reticent to take the wheel again. We compromised by not going via the Stelvio pass as planned and took a pass at 4,500 feet towards Leinz instead. We stopped at Kitzbuhel for a coffee and cake and struck up a conversation with some pissheads who managed to consume three glasses of wine each in the time it took for us to drink a small coffee and eat a bit of cake, not that we are judgmental or anything. The effeminate young barman was very friendly and talkative but couldn’t tell us if Slovenia used the Euro or not, a quick check on the internet on my phone revealed they did. Off we set again but not before Dandy insisted on driving up a small side road to show me the apartment block he had stayed in 8 years previously. I feigned mild interest.

After scaling the second and third gear only mountain passes, the stench of burning oil came back but Dandy put this down to the previous oil escapes being burned off on the glowing exhaust.
That night we rolled into an eco friendly campsite, not through choice I may add, and were talked through the whole process of recycling all our waste. The only problem with this was that none of the bins had pictures or English translations so we had to look through each one in turn to find the right receptacle. The site also offered alternative therapies and a rather suggestive picture of an attractive blonde clad in only a small towel pouring a jug of water and a chap bearing down on her with a letchy look and a suspicious crease in his small towel got Dandy going. The site was anally clean and organised as Austrians are. We enjoyed a really nice meal at the nearby restaurant served by a waitress with serious walker’s ankles. When we enquired how far it was to the border with Italy she replied ‘about 2 hours’, we knew this was shit but on reflection she must have assumed we were also walkers, although anyone who knows my ankles would have known this to be unlikely. Happier than we’d been for some days we slept well with plans for an early start into Italy the following morning.



The view from our campsite to the Dolomites and Italy



The pass from Ausrtia into Italy and the Dolomites

Day Seven – Tuesday 13th July 2010

I took the wheel that morning and had instructed Dandy never to mention again that he thought the van was running better than it ever had done as he had persisted in doing in between each breakdown. Now when he started to give his opinion about the finer functions of the van engine I would glower at him warningly and he would say something like ‘I think the van engine will probably blow up in less than 2 miles’. I was happy with this arrangement. We arrived at the border 10 minutes after we set off, two hours my arse.

The pass we took was spectacular and quite challenging; we were now making up for lost time and planned to make northern Croatia that evening. It was hot, hot, hot, but the fabulous air conditioning unit in the van was working so well. The route we took was via Udine in Italy, Slovenia and then down into Croatia. We tried to bypass Trieste but Thomas let us down badly and we ended up in a ferry queue to Venice at the docks, bang in the middle of Trieste! Much ranting ensued. We also sped through a toll booth without stopping in Slovenia, we had omitted to buy a vignette to use their motorway for 20km but we hadn’t intended to use this toll road anyway so we felt this justified our actions.

We made it to the fertile, mozzie riddled island of Krk and a campsite about half way down it. It was fine and we found a pitch that suited although there was again no shade. The fridge had been playing up and by now had packed in the 35 degrees heat. We visited the restaurant on the site and asked if we could have some ice to keep our remaining food cold and two beers to cool us down. The owner, a Bosnian, was a nice guy and very helpful, we couldn’t be bothered cooking so we ate at his restaurant, lovely salads and fresh fried fish. A couple from the low lying lands pitched up at the restaurant and announced to the restaurateur that they had brought their own wine and would be drinking it, he replied that they would not and if they wanted wine they would have to buy it from him, my how we chortled. Back at our vintage van, which was looking ever so slightly retro amongst the plethora of Dethleffs, Hymers and Burstarses (Burstners), Dandy had words with a recently arrived Dutch neighbour who had his TV on a tad too loud for midnight and persuaded him to turn it down and explained the 11.00pm curfew, I was just pissed off with him anyway as I felt he was watching unnecessary shite. A mozzie joined us in bed that night and I was bitten badly and developed bad reactions to the bites. It was a hot, sticky night and I was looking forward to our air conditioned apartment.

Day Eight - Wednesday 14th July, 2010

The Dutchman got his own back the following morning by continually hammering away with a brick to repair his bent pole to use to secure his awning. Presumable this was a precaution to the impending storm that was looming on the hot, cloudless blue sky day.

We were up and away by 9am, a record for us, next stop Pirovac. We were nearing our destination by 3pm when Dandy spotted a Lidl sign so off we went and did a fairly major shop in preparation for les enfants arriving. Dandy was well pissed off as he spotted a beach shelter that he had bought in the UK on offer at half price. All loaded up, we headed for the small town of Pirovac and parked up close to where the apartment was on the map. We spent the next 30 minutes touring the tiny back streets asking the natives where the address was, we knew we were close but it took a while to locate it, even with help. We let ourselves in and I checked it out while Dandy parked up the van closer to us so that we could unload it. It was great, on three floors, en suites in the bedrooms and air con and the bonus of a roof terrace with sun loungers. It was in the very oldest part of town, just minutes from the beach and restaurants, perfect for our needs. We thought that we were very clever getting there at this time and would have time for a shower, unpack and maybe even a snooze before we had to set out for the airport to meet the kids coming off the 19.40 flight. But no, we had lost an essential piece of information, some paperwork that the owners had sent us previous to our trip that Dandy deemed essential to find before anything else could happen. There was also a ‘to do’ about where the van should be parked and Dandy engaged many of the local restaurateurs in a debate over this. They all had different opinions of course and some even saw entrepreneurial opportunities.

Our maid, Ana, arrived with her Mum to get the apartment ready. She hadn’t been expecting us until later and got herself in a bit of a fluster and was really apologetic; she thought we were coming off the evening flight too. We persuaded her that all was well and she should just carry on and ignore our presence, Dandy, however, found it hard to ignore her presence as she was very attractive and was wearing a very tight T shirt with the words ‘DUREX PLAY’ emblazoned on the front. Even behind the sunglasses he had serious retina strain.

We set off for the airport a little later than we should have and Thomas took us on such a tortuous route that we thought we would never get there, and off course the directions that we could have used had gone missing. It was supposed to take 40 minutes but we met learner drivers, tractors and slow gits and seemed to go through every small village in the vicinity. Inevitable the text went on my phone; it was from Caroline ‘where are you?’ We were only minutes away by now, it was such a small airport and they had no checked in luggage so they were through in no time. We drove into the car park and I spotted them immediately, waiting in anticipation, I was so glad to see them both. We had all got there finally!